This past week has been filled with high anxiety. I am honestly not sure what is triggering the anxiety, but it has been more prevalent than ever before. I have felt really challenged to continually give it to the Lord. It has not been magic, it has not gone away, but I do know the Creator hears me when I talk to him. Anxiety is based in fear. I have a lot of fears. I have fear of the present, of the future, over silly things and things that greatly affect my life. It is a daily battle to give my fear to the Lord. I do not think my fears have changed this week, but I do know that I am physically feeling the affects of that fear this week. I have been holding tightly to the scripture found in 2 Timothy 1:7 that reads, "For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline." This scripture holds so much encouragement for me.
As I was making space on my phone today (which seems to be a daily task), I stumbled upon a note I had made a couple months ago. At New Beginnings, I had the privilege of serving with our youth. These teens are some of the best people I know and I cannot wait to see the ways the Lord continues to lead them. They have shaped and formed me more than they will ever know. The note was from a night of conversation with them. I do not remember who was speaking that night and what exactly we were talking about. I do, however, remember exactly what I felt when she said it.
My note read:
What does it mean to you when you hear the phrase "Jesus bring us from death to life when we accept him."
One of our sweet sixth graders response was what I needed today.
She said, "It means he makes the dark days a little lighter."
Praise God that the dark days are not pitch black. They may be dark, but the Lord does not walk away. He does not abandon us. Sometimes it feels like there is a pile of rocks covering the hole, but if I look for the light, it's there. It might be coming through a tiny slit between the rocks, but without fail it is always there. It may come through a smile, the sound of kids laughing, encouragement from a friend, sunshine, flowers blooming or a good cup of coffee and a book. I think sometimes I forget to look. When you are looking for something, there is always a chance it won't be there or it will not look like how I want it to. Seeking and looking for something wholeheartedly brings you to this place of trusting that it will follow through. Maybe it is hard to believe there is light because that one person who promised they would never leave, is the same person who is constantly falling through on their word. This week I am choosing to posture myself in a place that is seeking the light and trusting that it's there even when I do not feel it.
Though I often forget, Jesus is not like that. When I am seeking Jesus and trusting that he will be there, then "he makes the dark days a little lighter."
