holidays.

dear divorcing parents,

Holidays suck. This used to be my favorite time of the year, now I cannot wait for it to be over with. The constant battling between parents, the tension, the expectations and the lack of communication is too much for one to handle. 

Don't be such a dictator. Talk to your kids about what they want to do during the holidays. Do not just assume. Don't punish your kids because your mad at the other parent. In fact, get over whatever your mad about and work together on raising your kids. 

Your youngest kids are texting their big sister and asking what days they get to see her and when they get to see dad. Tell them the plan. They may seem like they are okay going with the flow, but truth is nobody can live in limbo and be okay. 

sincerely,

the big sister 

Dear divorcing parents...

Dear divorcing parents,

No matter what emotions you feel towards your spouse, tell your children this news together. 

Give your children space to feel. Help them find safe places and people to do this with. 

Your 7 year olds change in behavior is not happening on its own, be patient with him. There is a really good chance that it's how he's acting on his emotions. 

The big sister or any child for that matter does not need to be used as the middle man. You got yourself into this mess. Be adults and talk it out yourselves. 

The quickness of emotional reaction from your children is not because they are moody; their whole world was just shattered. 

Your 9 year old is telling their big sister that they wish they could have all holidays with mom one year and dad the next year so they could have holidays with both parents. 

The big sister is watching her 18 year old sibling fill with anger and pain from the unstable environment they are in. 

The big sister feels obligated to take care of the younger siblings. There are many nights she goes to bed crying because she can't help but be sad. Sad for what they are experiencing and what they will never experience. 

The big sister's idea of love and relationships are skewed far beyond simple fixing. 

You chose to make this a reality, your children did not. Do not make them do your dirty work. Do not make them choose sides. 

Your children need stability. 

Your children need counseling. 

YOU need counseling. 

Your children need YOU--a healthy, whole, restored and redeemed you. 

if there is any way at all to restore your marriage, please please please try. 

sincerely,

the big sister