keep the hateful outta here.

dear divorcing parents,

Please keep your hateful comments to yourself. Your children do not need to know how mad you are at their parent or how awful you think they are. 

Here's the thing, it may no longer be your significant other but it IS still your child's parent. You embarrass them when you passive aggressively make digs at the other parent to others or post it all over social media for people to see. This is not the appropriate way to handle your pain. In reality, you may be embarrassing your children and making yourself look immature.

There is probably validity to what you're saying about the other parent, they aren't perfect but neither are you. You probably should be mad sometimes and they probably are wrong sometimes. Making everyone think your ex is awful while pretending to be the perfect ex is not true and it will come back to bite you. 

I hope and pray that you will consider the feelings and emotions of your children before you react out of anger.

sincerely,

the big sister

holidays.

dear divorcing parents,

Holidays suck. This used to be my favorite time of the year, now I cannot wait for it to be over with. The constant battling between parents, the tension, the expectations and the lack of communication is too much for one to handle. 

Don't be such a dictator. Talk to your kids about what they want to do during the holidays. Do not just assume. Don't punish your kids because your mad at the other parent. In fact, get over whatever your mad about and work together on raising your kids. 

Your youngest kids are texting their big sister and asking what days they get to see her and when they get to see dad. Tell them the plan. They may seem like they are okay going with the flow, but truth is nobody can live in limbo and be okay. 

sincerely,

the big sister 

Dear divorcing parents...

Dear divorcing parents,

No matter what emotions you feel towards your spouse, tell your children this news together. 

Give your children space to feel. Help them find safe places and people to do this with. 

Your 7 year olds change in behavior is not happening on its own, be patient with him. There is a really good chance that it's how he's acting on his emotions. 

The big sister or any child for that matter does not need to be used as the middle man. You got yourself into this mess. Be adults and talk it out yourselves. 

The quickness of emotional reaction from your children is not because they are moody; their whole world was just shattered. 

Your 9 year old is telling their big sister that they wish they could have all holidays with mom one year and dad the next year so they could have holidays with both parents. 

The big sister is watching her 18 year old sibling fill with anger and pain from the unstable environment they are in. 

The big sister feels obligated to take care of the younger siblings. There are many nights she goes to bed crying because she can't help but be sad. Sad for what they are experiencing and what they will never experience. 

The big sister's idea of love and relationships are skewed far beyond simple fixing. 

You chose to make this a reality, your children did not. Do not make them do your dirty work. Do not make them choose sides. 

Your children need stability. 

Your children need counseling. 

YOU need counseling. 

Your children need YOU--a healthy, whole, restored and redeemed you. 

if there is any way at all to restore your marriage, please please please try. 

sincerely,

the big sister 

Vulnerable.

Today is day 8 of my 7 journey.

These words are a reflection of day three....5 days late.

Last Monday night as I was doing my devotions, I really felt like the Lord was telling me that I needed to practice being still and position myself to be a better listener. My devotion was saying that we say that we want our relationship with Christ to be first and most important, yet we do not put in time and effort that reflects that. I know that I get so busy talking and being busy that I do not spend a lot of time being still in his presence. As I was going to sleep I prayed and asked the Lord to help me be still and listen for his voice. I prayed that I would acknowledge the voice of God and really seek him throughout my day Tuesday....little did I know what the day would bring.

Rewind: The past two months the Lord has been teaching me a lot about being vulnerable. More so that I really suck at being vulnerable. The shallow, easy stuff is way less messy.


Tuesday: These two things collided. In my preaching class we have been sharing our call to ministry. Most people were really personal and vulnerable in their stories. I shared my super short and to the point story. I did not really share anything past surface level. I had some things to say past surface level, but I didn’t do it. When I finished I had this feeling telling me I was not done. When everyone finished, I spoke up and asked Dr. Dunn if I could share a little something else. I had this huge burden lifted from me after I shared a vulnerable truth that the Lord had given me about my call. It did not take long for me to realize that in that moment God was answering the prayer that I had prayed on Monday night. I was reminded of chapel Tuesday morning and the story of Habukkuk. I expected God would answer it in a certain way instead of just committing this request to him and listening to him when he answered in his timing. I was embarrassed with myself that I had prayed, asked and received, yet when I received I fought it off long before I accepted his gift to me. The Lord spoke to me even when it felt like an inconvenient time. His timing is perfect and he is faithful.

Seven.

A few months ago I was just sitting on the side of a pool dangling my feet in the water when I heard "Oh, let's ask Tyler. I bet she will join us." I perked up as I heard my name. Lana and Kate swam over to me and explained their proposition. They were interested in going through Jen Hatmaker's Journey of 7. I had heard about it before and decided to join in.

"7 is the true story of how Jen (along with her husband and her children to varying degrees) took seven months, identified seven areas of excess, and made seven simple choices to fight back against the modern-day diseases of greed, materialism, and overindulgence. They would spend thirty days on each topic, boiling it down to the number seven. Only eat seven foods, wear seven articles of clothing, and spend money in seven places. Eliminate use of seven media types, give away seven things each day for one month, adopt seven green habits, and observe 'seven sacred pauses.' "

Due to camp, moving into school and a few other things I decided to wait and join in on month 2 (I'll tack month one onto the end). The whole month of August I was freaking out about only getting seven items of clothing for an entire month. I do not buy high end brand names; I really like target's clothes actually. However, I really like clothes and I have a lot of them. I knew this was going to be the hardest month for me. Ya see, I do not wear repeating outfits to church within a couple months of each other. I have been trying to justify my 7 clothing items in my head. It's a pride issue really. I should be able to alter it a little since I am a student, a pastor, the weather's crazy, the buildings are cold......blah blah blah. Saturday I was driving home from work thinking about the clothes I would pick. I had about 12 hours left to pick them before 7 would start. I drove by this corner where quite a few homeless were laying in dirty clothes with their heads on their backpacks that held their belongings. God brought me back to this pride again. In reality, I have to be vulnerable. I have to give up control. I can't hide behind my clothes.The Lord has showed me the past couple weeks that I am chilling up on a pride pedestal that I am pretty sure I am about to get knocked off of. I am so excited to see how The Lord is going to move this next month. It's going to be hard and frustrating. I know he is going to teach me about the excess that I am living in, the pride I have and much more I probably do not even know yet.


I chose:

2 Pairs of jeans, 1 pair of yoga pants/shorts, 3 shirts and one flannel shirt/jacket.



I am finishing up day two....Stay tuned this month is gonna be good...